Alzheimer's: Staying connected, providing preparation
Throughout my mom’s journey with Alzheimer’s, I remained determined to keep her and my daughter connected. I did not shy away from allowing Alicia access to her Nana, giving their strong bond a chance to continue despite the challenges of the disease caused, especially in what would be Mom’s final months.
My mom had stepped up into the next level of Memory Care in what her facility called Cottage 2. For the uninitiated, Cottage 2 can be a scary place. Most of the residents are in wheelchairs, many are nonverbal and asleep a good bit of the time. I prepared my daughter before her first visit, so she knew what to expect. As much as possible, I made first visits alone after changes happened with Mom or her care so I could get the lay of the land. I wanted to prepare Alicia as much as possible, before walking in. Our drives from Raleigh to Greensboro and back for visits with Nana were good times to chat and debrief.
There are times things happen. Once EMTs were called for a woman in Mom’s unit who got combative when they came to help her. We were in the main room as she yelled and cursed. The music therapist who happened to be there that day did an incredible job of playing music and keeping the room calm. The therapy dog came over to Alicia and the resident beside whom she was sitting. They loved on the dog, the EMTs were finally able to get the woman safely and a stretcher and leave. I talked to Alicia about it later. She said the dog had helped her immensely.
I explained that the woman was frightened. I’ve talked to Alicia a lot about Alzheimer’s. For example, she understood to never come up behind Nana and start talking or touch her. I’ve explained how Nana’s field of vision has narrowed and showed her Teepa Snow’s great demonstration of that. (Hold your hands, curved into binocular shape, up to your eyes. That’s eventually the field of vision for a person with Alzheimer’s. No peripheral vision and a very small range straight ahead.) Alicia knew to walk directly around front of Mom and wave and say hello, so as not to startle her.
Through Mom’s journey I never wanted Alicia to feel like she could not be around her. My husband and I did make the decision at the very end, for me to rush in to Greensboro alone to be with Mom as she was what Hospice calls “transitioning.” We knew her death was likely imminent in the next few days (as it turns out, it was within an hour of my arrival) and Mom was struggling to breathe.
Alicia had a happy memory of their last time together a few days after Thanksgiving. She had played ukulele and guitar as we sang for Mom. Mom mostly slept in the recliner in the main room at her facility, tapping her foot in time to the music here and there. We had fun as staff gathered several other residents around us, to enjoy the music, too. I’m thankful, as is Alicia, that was her last memory of her Nana.
We always took photos with Mom at our visits, to share with other family members and to keep to enjoy ourselves. As we were chatting with Mom’s caregiver and some of the staff members and packing up the instruments, Alicia talked to Mom for a second and the last photo she snapped has become one we cherish.
Mom did not understand smiling for a photo nor looking at the camera anymore. But she remained very connected to her granddaughter to the end. Alicia got a perfect selfie with her Nana, both of them smiling together. That photo has brought her great solace in the wake of Mom’s passing. I’m SO thankful we have it.
I’m so glad we made the best of what we had, and that my mom and daughter remained close, until the end.
Helpful Resources:
- Alzheimer’s & Vision Loss – with Teepa Snow of Positive Approach to Care
- Dementia Alliance of NC
- Teepa Snow’s Positive Approach to Care
Andrea Osborne is Capitol Broadcasting Company’s director of content. She has daughter in high school and recently lost her mother who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She will be sharing her family’s journey here on WRAL’s family section.
