Self-confidence is a superpower; 5 steps to harness it

My granddaughter, Tatum, is a superhero.

My family and I first recognized her superpowers when she was 6 months old. She was sure of herself and persistent about who she was. By the time she was 2, no one could stop her.

If her older brother tried to play with her toys, she would babble at him in a language unknown to us and assert herself. She would crawl from couch to chair just to make herself known.

She knew who she was and what was hers. Her superpowers are profound.

Tatum was a hero because of the self-confidence she displayed. So many people struggle to be bold in who they are, yet she’s always known.

Self-confidence is believing firmly that you can do a task. It’s knowing that if you put in the work, you can push through difficulties to succeed.

Confidence is not about how honed your skills are, it is rather about trusting in the skills and abilities you already have. Authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explain that success correlates more with confidence than it does with competence in their book “The Confidence Code.”

My question is, can we keep a superpower like confidence? Yes, you can!

You can even strengthen this power, but first, you need to understand self-confidence’s greatest weakness.

Self-doubt is a lack of assurance in yourself and your abilities. It’s a mindset that holds you back from both succeeding and believing in yourself.

Feelings of self-doubt can be perfectly normal – whether it’s questioning yourself before playing a sport, taking a test or starting a new job.

William Shakespeare wrote, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

But in the long run, self-doubt can keep you from reaching your full potential. Though it takes time, you can overcome your doubts and find your own superpower with confidence.

Building confidence in ourselves and our children

So how do we do that, for ourselves and especially for our children?

You need to declare to yourself that you are capable. Tell yourself you can achieve what you set your mind to. Look at your past and note your achievements, big and small; they all show what you’re capable of.

Self-reflection is a powerful tool. Sit for a second and remember, relive your moments of success, and see yourself doing those things again and even better than before. What lessons can you takeaway to apply to this present moment?

For your children, it’s important that you allow them to take risks and chances early on. Experiencing failure and being disappointed are confidence builders. By allowing your child to experience these, it shows them they are capable of improving and growing. Just be sure to stand beside them as they navigate the next steps.

Experiencing failure teaches youth to fear it less while building resiliency. Resiliency is the capacity to withstand or recover quickly from difficulties.

Five steps to harness your superpower

I’ve followed Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist and mental health expert, for years.

She recommends a five-step process to boost both mental confidence and resiliency called neurocycle. This process even helps to manage mental health.

Neurocycle is like having a superpower, one that children can use throughout their lives when they feel sad, when they’re mad or upset, or even when they are happy and just want to learn something new. It’s all about transforming negative or disruptive thinking patterns into healthy thoughts and habits.

Leaf, author of the book “How to Help Your Child Clean up Their Mental Mess,” explains that the neurocycle process helps children to harness the brain’s ability to change and be confident.

Here are the five steps for kids to handle life’s challenges:

1. Gather awareness – Children should work to gather a comprehensive understanding of how they’re feeling, both mentally and physically, when they face a challenge. They need to start by examining all thoughts, behaviors or reactions in their mind and body.
2. Reflect – Children should take a moment to step back and consider the why behind all these feelings.
3. Write, play or draw – After that, Leaf recommends children should organize their thinking and reflections to gain insight. “For adults and older kids or teens, write down your reflections. For younger children, it might make more sense to draw or play to bring subconscious feelings to light,” she said.
4. Recheck - Once children have created a clearer picture of their feelings, they can accept the experience and think about how they might view it in a new light. They can start to recognize that the challenge doesn’t control them and begin to gain confidence to tackle it.
5. Active reach – To help keep the negative thoughts away and keep the confidence up, Leaf recommends children get involved in an activity that distracts from the negative emotions.

To help apply these steps with your kids, give them a space to go through these steps when they are faced with a challenge.

Then, help facilitate conversations that can let them better examine their feelings and gather awareness. Do this by asking them questions like: Why do I feel sad and frustrated?

And most importantly, teach your children to try and look for solutions instead of getting stuck in their emotions.

You have the ability to help your child build confidence and find their own superpower.