Renee Chou: The importance of building bonds with grandparents

I never really knew my grandparents. Both sets lived on the other side of the world in Taipei, Taiwan -- more than 8,000 miles away from where I was born and raised in the metro Detroit area.

Because of the cost of international flights and what my parents could afford at the time, I can count the number of times I saw my grandparents in person on one hand. I traveled to Taiwan for the first time when I was 5, and my family would visit about every five years after that. My maternal grandmother died when I was in high school. One summer in college, my brother and I spent almost three months living in Taiwan, studying Chinese and teaching English there. After that, my father’s parents passed away. And then my mother's father died in 2001.

My husband Mike was very close with his grandparents. One set of grandparents lived down the street from him in a small town in Montana. The other set of grandparents lived about 40 miles away. Family dinners, get-togethers and vacations were the norm and are so entwined in his childhood memories. I envy those strong bonds.

Focusing on family

During the Christmas season, we focus on the importance of family. I love my job; I love living in Raleigh. The one thing I miss year-round is having family close by.

When Elsa was born, I knew I wanted her to have a close relationship with her grandparents. The distance between us is not measured in countries and oceans -- but states, with my parents living in Michigan and my husband’s parents living in Montana. We try to see each set twice a year, with us going there at least once a year and the grandparents coming to Raleigh once a year. Of course that’s much more frequent than I ever saw my grandparents, but it never feels like enough.

Technology helps -- with Skype and FaceTime. We talk to each set of grandparents at least once a week. Much of the video call involves our four-year-old making silly faces; dancing and twirling; or running in and out of the room. But to be able to see each other as we talk, even through a screen, is still a connection. How I wish that feature were available when my grandparents were alive.

No 'warming up' period required

My parents came to visit us the week of the snowstorm. It makes me so happy to see Elsa with her grandparents. For as little as she sees them in person, there is no shyness or “warming up” when she sees them again.

She gives them warm hugs, holds their hands, and asks them to sit next to her in the car or at the restaurant. Every morning while they were here, she would wake up and then go knock on the guest bedroom door to ask them to come down for breakfast.

She'd sit on my father’s lap while he was working on his laptop. She watched Chinese videos and cartoons with my mom on her iPad. They’d read books or do puzzles together. The best part was eating meals together -- a table for five. Sometimes the conversation would be non-stop; other times, just polite small talk and a quiet enjoyment of the meal. What mattered was being in each other's company.

Close in her heart

We’re headed to Montana for Christmas where we’ve spent the holiday two times since Elsa was born. Each visit involved playing in the snow, baking cookies with Grammy, playing board games and snuggling up near the fireplace. We're looking forward to all that once again. Elsa has asked if Santa knows that we will be in Montana for the holiday. I told her not to worry -- we made sure to notify Santa so he knows exactly where to deliver his presents for Elsa!

Grandparents are the only other people in the world who come close to loving your child as much as you do. Do I wish we all lived in the same state? Of course. But I'm also grateful of the many wonderful trips and visits Elsa's had with her grandparents -- much more in the past four years than I've ever had with mine. Despite being miles apart, I can tell Elsa holds them close in her heart. That's where family will always reside.

Renee Chou, WRAL-TV morning anchor, is the mother of one. You can find her monthly on Go Ask Mom and all of the time on her Facebook page.