Renee Chou: Sparking joy - and taking up space - in my heart
With a new year comes the renewed urge to purge the clutter — to “Marie Kondo” the things you no longer use, that no longer bring you joy. The encroaching medley of miscellaneous objects takes up precious space in the house; the sight of it, the thought of it — can weigh you down.
In our house, much of that clutter is in our attic. Bins and bins of baby clothes, shoes and accessories. Baby toys, strollers and car seats. Things that were once part of our daily lives, things that our five-year-old daughter has now outgrown, things that brought us joy to use … now collecting dust. And waiting.
Waiting to be used again.
For years, our hope was that maybe one day there would be another baby to rock in the koala bear swing or strap into the rainforest jumparoo or secure in the baby carrier backpack. Maybe I would get to swaddle a little bundle again, bathe a little one in the plastic pink tub or wipe down the plastic tray in the high chair over and over again.
Maybe.
That has not happened. While I try to have faith and remain optimistic, I’m also well aware that given my history of infertility and my advanced maternal age ... it’s likely not going to happen.
God blessed me with one amazing daughter. After three and a half years of trying, including the whole gamut of treatments from IUI to IVF — all of which failed — my husband and I finally got our miracle, our baby Elsa, now five years old. Three years ago, I got pregnant, but we lost the baby at 12 weeks. It wasn’t meant to be.
Still, I held on to all those onesies, bibs, blankets and bottles …. just in case. With each passing month though, I realized I had to change my perspective. Sitting in my attic, the saved baby items were like pieces of a broken dream. Why not let them go as a way to spread joy to those welcoming their babies? And so I finally started clearing things out.
I loved going through the clothes. Every dress I held up, I could picture her wearing it. I thought of all the friends and family who showered us with gifts. I was also reminded of the other good friends who cleared out their daughters’ closets so that Elsa would have no shortage of adorable outfits. We were so thankful for the hand-me-downs. They were all given away warmly and generously, from friends who knew their families were complete.
I found it easier to let go, knowing the items would be appreciated by those who could use it. I’ve sold some bigger ticket items at bargain prices. There have been many trips to Goodwill. I’ve given away some toddler clothes and shoes to younger daughters of friends and acquaintances.
One of my co-workers is about to become a first-time father. He and his wife are expecting a boy! I gave them all the gender-neutral baby clothes we still had, along with toys, a high chair and backpack carrier. Another co-worker of mine is the guardian of an eight-month-old girl whose mother is unable to care for her. The baby has a May birthday like Elsa, so Elsa’s previous clothes will work out well with the seasons. I had saved a lot of winter clothes and holiday outfits to give to them, as well as other toys. When I got a text with a picture of the little girl wearing one of Elsa’s dresses with a big smile on her face, my heart melted.
Our mass collection of baby items is quickly shrinking. As I give away those remnants of a life that at times I wish I could revisit, I still revel in the precious gift God gave me — making me a mom. If God were to just give me one child, then God gave me the best. And that will always spark joy … and contentedly take up space ... in my heart.
Renee Chou, WRAL-TV morning anchor, is the mother of one. You can find her monthly on Go Ask Mom and all of the time on her Facebook page.
