Go Ask Dad: Guitar girl sets an example for us all
The summer before she entered kindergarten, my daughter won first place in an air-guitar contest. Granted, the contest was judged by the lone DJ at the only putt-putt golf course on a small island in North Carolina, and there was a whopping total of a half-dozen contestants, including her baby cousin, who wandered around the putting green flapping his arms. (Maybe next year, kiddo.)
Still, my girl won. I’m delighted by her guitar face — a true rocker’s scowl — as well as her moves. She shook like Angus Young, scissor-kicked in the air and dropped to her knees like Eddie Van Halen and even took off running and air-soloing around the whole 18-hole putt-putt course.
But most of all, I’m proud that she put herself out there. Win or lose.
This fall, she’s officially starting school. Her mom and I love her public school and all her teachers. Still, because of her gender, she is going to feel pressure, both explicitly and implicitly, not to take center stage. Or, have it communicated that, if she seeks the spotlight, it should only be for her looks. Not only objectified, she will be judged unfairly in comparison to boys. The deck is stacked, the contest is often rigged. One day, she might feel like there’s no point entering or showing up as herself.
During that air-guitar contest, I could see her shining with the thrill of being herself! Will a time come when she wants to dim her light and her delight?
She doesn’t have to win any awards. I love her unconditionally. But I hope she will continue to enter the contests, step on the stage, and play that air guitar (or whatever activity she chooses) for all its worth. Whatever it is that makes her heart sing like a heavy-metal guitar solo — raw, unrestrained, and beautiful.
As she grows, I recognize the fine line between encouraging and putting pressure on her. I can remind her of who she is apart from what other influences might say or think. I can tell her about that summer before she entered kindergarten when she had a blast being her rock star self.
Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of Little Big Moments, a collection of mini-essays about parenting, and Tigers, Mice & Strawberries: Poems. Both titles are available most anywhere books are sold online. Taylor-Troutman lives in Chapel Hill where he serves as pastor of Chapel in the Pines Presbyterian Church and occasionally stumbles upon the wondrous while in search of his next cup of coffee.
