Do it afraid: Facing your fears

My mom told me that I was a very fearful child. No one else in my family struggled with these emotions as much as I did.

Kids can fear the dark. They can fear the closet doors that have been left open. They can fear when their parents leave.

I was continuously overwhelmed with fear.

I want to encourage you today that fear, while a normal emotion, can be controlled.

Fear is the response to a perceived threat. Sometimes fear stems from real threats, but it can also derive from imagined dangers. Fear is what you feel when you’re doing something new or something that you’ve never done before.

You feel fear of the unknown — going to a new class, trying a gym class, speaking publicly, meeting new people — because you have no idea what to expect.

Sometimes, fear can be constant and unceasing. If you just accept this constant, it becomes the standard. It eats at you each day, keeping you from doing the things you dream of. You become paralyzed and give up before even starting to take steps forward.

You go into a survival mindset, focusing only on the present moment and how to get out of it.

But, fear does not have to control you.

Stop now and think. Is there something you’re afraid of? Is it taking over your life? Grab ahold of these fearful thoughts running through your head. Seize them and break through.

Breaking through fear

Fighting against fear is a daily battle. You must continually work against your fears, seizing control of your own emotions, impulses and actions.

I encourage you to resist blaming and shaming yourself when things go wrong. Overcome these patterns by asking yourselves questions through self-talk.

Are you afraid about the start of the school year? Try asking these questions to help face it:

• As we prepare to return to school, what are some goals you can set to be your best self this year?
• What is causing you to be anxious as you begin the 2023-2024 school year?
• What fear is holding you back from accomplishing something great?
• What will be your first step in being courageous?

You can also change negative thinking by reframing. Reframing is a technique that utilizes questions or statements to help you to see obstacles, situations, limiting thoughts, or feelings from a different perspective. The aim of reframing is to shift or enable perspective towards one that is more empowered, expanded, or helpful.

When struggles occur, reframing allows us to see tough issues in a new light. While it doesn’t always solve them, it shows us how to better face them and not be afraid.

“If you are anxious, you are living in the future.” - Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher

In college, I remember one class where a visiting professor shared with the class about her family's struggles with anxiety. Each person wrestled with constant fear, dread, uneasiness, panic, nervousness, worry and ruminating over anticipated events. They often had many sleepless nights. 

Anxiety can manifest in many ways. It can be a mental health disorder categorized by extreme worry, high fear, restlessness and panic. Mental health counselors can help those facing this anxiety to overcome fears.

Anxiety can also be displayed as academic anxiety.

Studies of academic anxiety by Cornell University have shown that a moderate amount of anxiety helps educational performance by creating motivation. Without some level of anxiety, we would lack the motivation to practice and put in the effort to try out for playing sports, studying for exams, and completing homework.

Is safety a concern for you? If so, face those fears knowing that there are school safety teams established to protect students, teachers, and staff on campus and are made up of several groups, including educators, law enforcement and mental health professionals.

For example, the North Carolina Task Force for Safer Schools works to give children an environment where they can learn and feel secure in their classrooms. Previously, I served on their mental health committee and saw their dedication to students. They also work to assess threats before they even happen to actively prevent violence.

Declaration to master fear

In our daily fight against our fears, remember to forgive yourself for opportunities missed through fear. I can promise more will come.

Know this, living through obstacles teaches you how to overcome. You will grow, and you will be able to accomplish what comes next. You have what's needed to manage the difficulties and challenges in life.

But, most of all, remember that fear is a part of life. You can take hold of it and do the impossible even when afraid.

“Fear is the destroyer of greatness.” Brendon Burchard

Gale McKoy Wilkins is a wife, mom, grandparent and family life coach. She is the founder of Project Arrow, an evidence-based peer-to-peer and leadership program teaching middle, high school and first-year college students how to deal with trauma and crisis using life coaching. It's the first life coaching organization in the state to receive funding from the Department of Public Instruction and the first to implement life coaching in a school setting.