Dear Booksie #1: Sleep

Dear Booksie is a collaboration between two Quail Ridge Books booksellers who love reading advice columns and have lived long enough to think we can tell other people what to do. Send your muddles, messes and troubles to us at DearBooksie@quailridgebooks.com. We may not solve your issues, but we'll have fun trying.

Dear Booksie,

I almost never get a satisfying night's sleep. My wife works very early and I tend to work into the evenings. I worry about waking my wife, who is also a light sleeper. Often I get banished to co-sleep with my 7-year-old who is also difficult to sleep with because he thrashes like a shark out of water. Also his bed is tiny and my back is messed up. Also, should I even be sleeping in my son's room? Honestly, my best sleep comes when he co-sleeps with my wife, and I, by lottery, have ended up sleeping by myself in his room. That is until the cats wake me up. We have five cats and they know I sleep like shit and they all want to hang out with me at 3:30 in the morning. Did I mention that we live on a busy road right by a fire station? I can usually count on wailing sirens if I'm ever lucky enough to nod off. Any advice?

Restless in Raleigh

Dear Restless in Raleigh,

We take this very seriously because to us, sleep is...EVERYTHING. When you've had a good night's sleep, the sun shines brighter, the birds sing more sweetly and relationships go more smoothly. Plus, people who don't sleep well often develop a martyr complex that becomes insufferable to those around them (no judgment here; it's just possible we've been those martyrs at some point). We could give you some immediate actions to take that would probably help quite a bit: get out of your son's room and work out a routine so that you and your wife can get up or go to bed without waking the other, take turns wearing ear plugs to help with the sirens, close the door to keep the cats out. A more radical suggestion: make a sleeping area just for you (dark, quiet, good sheets, cool temps and an excellent mattress). We're not even going to ask about your caffeine habits (but stop it after 10 am).

While a book is not the answer to all problems (just most of them)  in this case, we offer two good ones. The first, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Martin Walker, will tell you all the reasons you absolutely want to turn your sleep around and will also terrify you by telling you the dire consequences to health and happiness of not getting good sleep. The second, Goodnight Mind: Turn Off Your Noisy Thoughts & Get a Good Night's Sleep by Colleen E. Carney and Rachel Manber, who have run sleep clinics for decades, will turn your sleep habits around IF you actually follow their program. If you aren't willing to do the work (it's not even that hard), you should just accept that part of you enjoys being a sleep-deprived martyr. As Leonard Cohen said: “The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the sleeping world.”

Sweet dreams,
Booksie