College freshman year has lessons for parents, students alike

As a first-time college parent, I found it challenging to prepare my 18-year-old daughter for her first year at North Carolina A&T University, where she's studying psychology. Even though she is only an hour away, we had to ensure she had financial aid, a dorm room assignment, her class schedule and all the supplies she needed for a successful first semester.

After a few weeks of my daughter being away at college, I thought to myself, "What's next?" I never thought about what comes after kids leave for school or the emotional roller coaster I would embark on. I mean, this is what I had wanted for her for years: to go to college and become a successful adult. But I never knew it would have such a profound impact on me.

As a single mother of three, my daughter is my best friend. We have a special bond, different from the one I have with my sons. So, when she went away to college, it was like having my best friend move away. I had very sad moments, missing her physical presence and only being able to see her through FaceTime. People would tell me, "Well, she'll come home on the holidays, so don’t be sad." But it's not the same. It's hard to let go of your child, especially when it's your only daughter.

I'm so proud of the young woman my daughter has become, and I'm excited for her future. But I'm also learning to adjust to this new chapter in my life. I'm learning to let go and give her the space to grow and learn independently. I'm also learning new ways to connect with her, even though she's not physically here.

I experienced many sad, worried and anxious moments, but I reminded myself that these emotions are temporary and a normal part of the process.

As a parent, worrying about your child when they're away at college is understandable. Seeing news stories about student suicides can only heighten my concerns. So, I would worry about my daughter’s emotional adjustment, her academic performance, and if she was surrounding herself with a positive crowd. However, it's important to remember that college is a time for growth and independence.

There are a few things parents can do to support their college student while also giving them the space they need to grow:

Do:

• Stay in touch. Let your child know that you're thinking of them and are there for them if they need anything. You can call, text, email or even send a handwritten letter.
• Encourage them to get involved. College is a great time to get involved in new activities and meet new people. Encourage your child to join clubs or sports teams or volunteer for a cause they care about.
• Offer advice and support. If your child is struggling with something, be there to listen and offer advice. But be careful not to micromanage them or try to solve all of their problems.
• Be respectful of their privacy. Remember that your child is an adult now. Don't pry into their personal life or read their emails without their permission.
• Be understanding. College can be a challenging time for students, both academically and socially. Be patient and understand if your child is struggling.
• Celebrate their successes. When your child does well, be sure to let them know how proud you are of them. This will help to boost their confidence and motivation.
• Don't forget to take care of yourself. It's important to remember that you're going through a transition, too. Make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally.
• If you have an empty nest, try to enjoy this new-found freedom. Reconnect with your spouse or partner and spend time doing things together that you may have neglected while you were busy raising children. You can also try new things like traveling, taking classes or volunteering.

Don't:

• Over-communicate. Calling or texting your child constantly will only make them feel smothered. Give them the space they need to be independent.
• Micromanage their life. Let your child make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. Don't call their professors or try to intervene in their personal life.
• Compare them to others. Every student is different and learns at their own pace. Don't compare your child to their siblings, cousins or friends.
• Put too much pressure on them to succeed. It's important to remember that college is not just about academics. It's also about personal growth and development. Don't put too much pressure on your child to get perfect grades or get involved in a certain number of activities.

College is a major life change for both parent and child, but it's also an exciting time. These tips can help you and your child transition smoothly and have a successful college experience.