Amanda Lamb: Let your light shine

As parents, one of the hardest lessons we must learn is about letting our children go. I don’t mean just the literal act of permitting them to leave the nest, I mean allowing them to make their own decisions even when we’re not sure their decisions will ultimately lead to success. It’s something we will all deal with in one form or another when our children go off into the world to pursue their dreams. We need to hold our tongues and allow them to choose the path that is calling them even when there’s a chance it might not work out. In short, the stakes in parenting adult children are high and anxiety-provoking.

This got me thinking about the parents of children pursuing the limelight. Being an actor, musician, or dancer are passionate endeavors usually born out of a love for the art form and many years of practice and preparation. Still, when a child leaves the nest to pursue these dreams, it’s not the same as them getting a medical degree, a teaching certificate or getting trained in the culinary arts where their career path is more clearly defined. They are reaching for the stars and hoping that one will have their name on it.

I had the pleasure of interviewing two young women from the Triangle who recently graduated from college and are now both pursuing their music careers as singer/songwriters in Nashville. I’ve known Brooke Hatala since she was a baby, and Abby Schiller since she was a teenager. They are both bright, poised, talented and tenacious young women with what my mother would call “good heads on their shoulders,” who are entering the business with a healthy combination of hopefulness and realistic intentions. And they didn’t get to this place by accident. They got here because they were supported by families who encouraged their passion for music, but at the same time, shared with their children the difficult road that lies ahead.

I can speak more about this as it relates to Brooke because I’ve watched her grow up and am very close with her family. She has never wanted anything but this path, and her parents have always supported her career, but made sure she understood the sacrifice that goes along with pursuing art for profit in a world full of people trying to do the same thing.

Still, it makes me think about how we can all apply this lesson to our children’s dreams even when they don’t involve chasing the limelight. Whatever it is they think they want to pursue in their lives, we as parents need to give them the wings, the permission to chase it, even if we have misgivings. Because most of the time those misgivings are based on our own personal biases, not on what is actually right for another person.

So, I would encourage all parents to let their children’s lights shine. Let them fail so that they can eventually win. Don’t carry them, but walk along beside them. Help them up when they fall. Applaud them when they rise. And remember, we had dreams too when we were young. Did you pursue yours? It’s not too late.

If you would like to hear my interview with Brooke and Abby, check out my podcast on the WRAL Daily Download:

Amanda is a mom of two and an author of several books including some on motherhood. She is also a WRAL reporter and successful podcaster. She began writing Go Ask Mom columns in January 2010 and took a short break in late 2021. Now, you can find her posts monthly on WRAL Family.