Amanda Lamb: Girl Crush

Tina Fey has a great bit about how raising teenage girls or young women is a lot like trying to get the cool girls’ attention in high school, like having a girl crush. You’re part mom, part friend, and all you really want to do is spend time with them. You don’t want every conversation to end with what my daughter calls “the life lesson,” a.k.a. the moral to every story.

In the Tina Fey skit on Instagram she is knocking on her daughter’s door asking her to come have dinner with the family in the kitchen. She raps quietly and says: “Hey, some of us are getting together in the kitchen for this dinner thing, thought you might want to join?” And then she adds with much self-deprecation and a nervous laugh: “But you’re probably too busy.”

This skit made me laugh so hard. She explained it to one of the late night hosts that normally when she talks to her daughter like this, her daughter looks up from the phone and glares. It really touched a nerve with me because I think a lot of mothers can relate to this. Daughters can be amazing. They are beautiful, dynamic, interesting, bright, capable, kind... but at the same time, they are hard to understand. Figuring out how to bridge the sometimes treacherous chasm between being the parent and eventually being the adult friend is tricky at best.

Daughter: “I have a meeting until 1:00, but as long as nothing big comes up I should be able to get lunch after that.”

Mom: “Perfect. Just give me an address and I will meet you. Can I come up and see your office, or is that not cool?”

Daughter: “No you can’t”

I am feeling my way with each phone call, with each conversation, with each opportunity for time spent together. Children don’t come with instruction manuals. Parenting with comes with mistakes and missteps and disappointment. But it also comes with the knowledge that there is no deeper love than a mother for a child. Someday, they will know...

Amanda is a mom of two and an author of several books including some on motherhood. She is also a WRAL reporter and successful podcaster. She began writing Go Ask Mom columns in January 2010 and took a short break in late 2021. Now, you can find her posts monthly on Go Ask Mom.