Amanda Lamb: Full heart
Once your children leave the nest, you find yourself counting down the days on your calendar until you can see them again. It’s the beginning of the shift, the role reversal between parents and children. It reminds me of the Harry Chapin song, “Cats in the Cradle,” where the father has no time for his child when he is growing up because he’s so busy working. Then, the child grows up and has a family and career of his own, and suddenly, he is too busy to visit with his father.
I remember how my mother, who was an attorney, made a Herculean effort to visit me, especially once I had children. She canceled, delayed and re-scheduled court hearings to accommodate our family’s schedule. She sometimes came to visit us when we were busy working and tried to help us navigate our chaotic lives with young children. She would run errands for us, fold laundry, get dinner ready and spend time with the girls. She also frequently vacationed with us— again, working around the girls’ school schedule, not her own busy schedule.
I am now in the stage of life where I will need to shoehorn in visits with my busy daughters if I want to see them. This month I am lucky. I get to see both of them for short visits.
“Mom, I have to work, but you can still come,” my older one says with an exasperated exhale.
“I promise I won’t get in the way. I can do your laundry, go grocery shopping, whatever you need, and we can have dinner when you get off work,” I say too enthusiastically.
My younger one is still in college and has a million and one activities that take up almost every waking moment.
“Mom, I have class those days, and other stuff going on, but I will try to see you afterwards,” my younger one says apologetically.
“That’s okay, I will meet you wherever you are, whenever you have a free moment,” I say.
They don’t know, and they won’t know, how much these visits mean to me until they are parents themselves. I don’t care what we do as long as I can see them face-to-face and hug them, as long as we can sit and talk, even just for a few stolen moments here and there.
One of my favorite quotes is by the author Elizabeth Stone who said of parenting: “It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
I felt this when they were little girls, but I feel it even more profoundly now that they are young women. My heart aches when they hurt. My heart rejoices when they are happy. My heart is full when I can see them in person. Yes, this month, my heart will be full…
Amanda is a mom of two and an author of several books including some on motherhood. She is also a WRAL reporter and successful podcaster. She began writing Go Ask Mom columns in January 2010 and took a short break in late 2021. Now, you can find her posts monthly on Go Ask Mom.
