Advice from a single parent of a child with special needs
Being a single parent is tough, but it's especially tough when you have a child with special needs. I know this firsthand, as my oldest son, a twin, was diagnosed with autism a few years ago. The journey has been a roller coaster, but I've learned a lot.
Before my son was diagnosed, I was used to being able to solve any obstacle that came my way. I'm a single mother, so I've had to learn to be resourceful and independent. But when my son was diagnosed, I quickly realized that this was an issue I couldn't just "solve." Autism is a complex condition, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.
The shift in my life started when my son was in middle school; his teachers and I started to notice several concerning issues. He did not interact with other children often, preferred to be isolated, was quick to get frustrated, had delayed speech, and had difficulty comprehending commands or school assignments.
At first, I thought maybe he would grow out of it. I assured myself that he was just one of those children who would have delayed development. My son is a very sweet and well-mannered young man, but as he got older, I could not understand why he was quiet, isolated, quick to get mad at little things, and only interested in building with LEGO bricks and putting things together.
He was held back a grade, and his teacher felt that he should be tested. I knew at that moment it was not something he would "just grow out of." At first, I cried. I couldn't understand why my child needed help, why he has to be different or couldn't learn on the same level as others.
Things did start to turn around in a positive way once he was tested and was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
Even though this was upsetting, it made it very clear what was happening. This explained his social difficulties, communication difficulty and need for repetitive activities. I immediately placed him in speech therapy, and his teachers put him on an Individualized Education Program (IEP) in school, so he could get the help he needed.
Help from teachers, family and others in the community helped my son cope, but it also helped me.
Here are several helpful tips that I have learned during this journey of parenting a child with special needs
Network with other parents who have children with special needs.
Being a single parent of a child with special needs can be challenging. There are many parents who are going through the same challenges, and it can be helpful to connect with them and talk about your experiences. There are several ways to connect with other parents, such as support groups.
Social media is a great way to connect with other parents. There are many groups on social media for parents of children with special needs. These groups can provide you with support and advice from other parents who understand what you are going through.
No matter how you choose to find support, other parents can be your best resource. They can help you feel less alone and give you the support you need to raise your child with special needs.
Create a schedule, be consistent
Having a schedule can help you stay organized and make sure that you are able to meet all of your child's needs. It can also help you to feel more in control of your life. When creating a schedule, it is important to be realistic about your time and energy constraints. You should also make sure that the schedule is flexible enough to accommodate unexpected changes.
Don't be afraid to ask for help from family, friends or community
Being a single parent can be challenging, and it's easy to feel like you have to do everything yourself. But it's important to remember that you don't have to go it alone. There are people who care about you and want to help.
I used to be the same way. I would try to do everything myself, even when things were getting too hard. I thought that if I asked for help, I would be seen as weak or incapable. But I was wrong. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you know your limits and that you're not afraid to ask for support.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to reach out to your family, friends or community. They want to help. They may offer to babysit, cook dinner or just listen to you vent. Whatever they do, it will be a relief to know that you're not alone.
Get resources
If you need assistance with housing, food, healthcare or childcare, find assistance from your local social service agencies. Sometimes things are tough when there is only one income in the household, and you may struggle to meet all of your needs. Many agencies have assistance programs that qualify families by income and needs
Make sure to make room for 'me time'
As a single parent, it can be difficult to find time for yourself. I fell into depression many times before I realized I cannot do this all on my own without making time for myself. Taking time for yourself can help you to recharge and de-stress, which will make you a better parent.
One way to get some time for yourself is to set strict bedtimes for your children. Early bedtimes, around 7:30 or 8 p.m., are good for children's routines and health. This will give you some time in the evening to relax and unwind. You can use this time to read, take a bath, watch your favorite show or do anything else that you enjoy.
Of course, there will be times when your children wake up in the evening. But if you have a regular bedtime routine, they will be less likely to wake up during the night. And if they do wake up, you can always try to soothe them back to sleep without giving them your full attention.
Taking time for yourself is not selfish. It is essential for your own well-being, and it will make you a better parent. So make sure to schedule some time for yourself each day, even if it is just for a few minutes. You deserve it!
Don't blame yourself or a partner
Many cases of special needs are not caused by anything the parents did or did not do. In fact, the cause of a child's special needs is often unknown. Even when there is a known cause, such as a genetic disorder, it is important to remember that the parents did not cause the disorder. Blaming yourself or your partner will not make anything better. It is important to focus on your child's needs and to get the support you need to be the best parent you can be.
Celebrate small milestones and big ones
Celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small. When your child achieves something, take the time to celebrate their success. This will help them to feel proud of their accomplishments and motivated to continue learning and growing.
Throughout my journey as a parent of a child with special needs, I have learned to be patient, ask for help, and most importantly, to celebrate my son's accomplishments.
Be patient
I have learned that it is important to be patient with my son, and to give him the time and support he needs to learn and grow. I have also learned that it is important to ask for help when I need it. Most importantly, I have learned that my son's special needs are not a bad thing. It simply means that he learns and experiences the world in a different way. And I have learned to celebrate his unique abilities and accomplishments.
I am so proud of my son for everything he has accomplished. He is a fighter, and never gives up. My son is now making good grades in school, working part-time and he is a track superstar at his high school. I am confident that he will continue to achieve great things in his life.
Being a single parent of a child with special needs can be challenging, but it is also an incredibly rewarding experience. With the right support, you can successfully raise your child and create a happy and fulfilling life for both of you.
