National School Walkout: How to talk to kids about gun violence, walkouts

Across the region, thousands of students at elementary schools to high schools are scheduled to participate Wednesday in the National School Walkout. They will remember the 17 students and faculty members who were murdered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida on Valentine's Day and call for changes in our nation's gun policies.

Posted 11:58 p.m. Mar 13, 2018 — Updated 11:58 p.m. Mar 13, 2018

Sarah Lindenfeld Hall

, Go Ask Mom editor

Plenty of parents may be fielding questions this week about gun violence at schools.

Across the region and the country, thousands of students at elementary schools to high schools are scheduled to participate Wednesday in the National School Walkout. They will remember the 17 students and faculty members who were murdered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida on Valentine's Day and call for changes in our nation's gun policies.

My teenager, an avid news reader and watcher, is well aware of what happened in the halls and classrooms of the Florida high school - and other schools before it. She's grown up practicing lockdown drills at school and fully understands why she must practice hiding quietly in the corner of her classroom a couple of times each year - just in case a gunman were ever to enter her school and start targeting children. She has strong opinions about school safety and can speak knowledgeably on the subject.

My second grader was only aware of the specifics about what happened in Florida more recently when she overheard a news report about gun violence at schools and what lawmakers in Washington, D.C., were or were not doing about it.

Before then, she thought lockdown drills were simply to protect her from "bad guys" who wanted to "trespass" and "take the kids." The idea of a shooter hadn't crossed her mind, but those still are some scary thoughts for a second grader to be mulling around in her head. When I spoke with her about why kids will be walking out of her elementary school on Wednesday, I emphasized the fact that her teachers and principal are doing everything they can to keep her safe when she is in school.

For parents fielding questions about gun violence in schools this week, as I did with my second grader, the American Psychological Association has some solid advice. These are recommendations for discussions immediately after school shootings, but, the topic is so often in the news, I think the tips hold for weeks like these where our kids may be faced with the topic - especially kids in elementary school.

Like with any tough topic, the critical part of this is to love them, to hug them, to speak openly about your own beliefs and listen, with an open mind, to their own worries and views.

Here's what the association recommends. You can read more on the association's website.

Talk with your child. Talking to your children about their worries and concerns is the first step to help them feel safe and begin to cope with the events occurring around them. What you talk about and how you say it does depend on their age, but all children need to be able to know you are there listening to them.

Find times when they are most likely to talk, such as when riding in the car, before dinner or at bedtime.
Start the conversation. Let them know you are interested in them and how they are coping with the information they are getting.
Listen to their thoughts and point of view. Don't interrupt — allow them to express their ideas and understanding before you respond.
Express your own opinions and ideas without putting down theirs. Acknowledge that it is OK to disagree.
Remind them you are there for them to provide safety, comfort and support. Give them a hug.

Keep home a safe place. Children, regardless of age, often find home to be a safe haven when the world around them becomes overwhelming. Help make it a place where your children find the solitude or comfort they need. Plan a night where everyone participates in a favorite family activity.

Take "news breaks." Limit the amount of time spent watching the news because constant exposure may actually heighten their anxiety and fears. In other words, turn off the TV and put your phone out of reach for a bit.

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. It's easy to get caught up in the news, but it's also important to be mindful of your own mental health. Keep regular schedules for activities such as family meals and exercise to help restore a sense of normalcy.

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